Ranking the Season 33 Cast of "Dancing with the Stars"

A raise to whoever decided to give Ilona another platform to 1: Advocate for beautiful women of all shapes, sizes and body types, and 2: Create more *chef's kiss* TikTok content. Maher is like if your company's personality hire was also actually really good at their job. All my votes forever.

Yes, Anna "Delvey" stole a lot of money from a lot of people. But we can't say she's not iconic. I mean, the ankle bracelet in the promo photos? You have to admire her absolute gall to still want to be in the public eye after everything (especially a Julia Garner-led Netflix series...I mean, the comparisons!).

An angel baby that must be protected at all costs. If I don't see the pommel horse come out during Stephen's routine within the first three episodes, I'm suing ABC. Hope and pray with me that his insane athleticism translates to the cha-cha!!!

Joey will go down in history as the best Bachelor of the franchise. I said it! It's absolutely fascinating to find a human being that's capable of being entertaining on reality TV while also maintaining an enviable level of emotional intelligence. He's a unicorn and I'm glad I get to gaze into his eyes through my television screen for a few more months.

Our first Asian American Bachelorette isn't letting opportunity pass her by, and that's exactly what we like to see in a DWTS competitor. Jenn is petite and dainty but also played lacrosse in college, so we know she's athletic. You know what that means: Sasha Farber is going to flip this girl all around that dance floor, and I, for one, love a lift.

Maybe it's because I'm from New England and a Patriots fan, but seeing Amendola on my TV screen again is going to be so fun! He honestly might be kind of boring, but he's a cutie and has a great partner in Witney Carson, so let's see if he can receive (

😉)

some votes.

Nothing but respect for my winner of season 2 of "The Traitors."

I am, unfortunately, not Gen Z enough to have watched Chandler Kinney's acting, so I can't say much about this casting choice. However, this was also the case for me with last season's winner, Xochitl Gomez, who I ended up falling in love with by the time the season was over. Might we have a repeat?

I'm putting Dwight in this spot simply because it's always fascinating to me to watch men who are nearly 7 feet tall try to play twinkle-toes on the dance floor. It worked flawlessly for Iman Shumpert when he won in season 30, so this ranking is motivated by curiosity.

Between "Family Matters" and "Die Hard," of course we're rooting for Reggie! Just not more than some of these other competitors.

I'm also not familiar with Brooks' work as a model, but she's stunning and they brought back Gleb Savchenko to be her partner, so I'm looking forward to seeing her in the competition for the simple fact that they're going to make one of the hottest pairs I've ever seen on this show.

Tori Spelling is an enigma to me, but she's paired with Pasha who is also an enigma, so I'm excited to see how they work together.

Cue Keke Palmer's "I'm sorry to this man," but I'm not sure I've ever seen Eric Roberts in my life. All the best to you, Eric, ye are simply not on my radar.